My Diary (14)

Maya went blank..
'did the dr. just say he doesn't know when he'll recover' Maya asked herself, wondering with tears in her eyes if this is really happening or if it was a night mare...

Lulwa pulled Maya by the arm, softly and sat her down..
"listen sweety" Lulwa began as Maya started crying again, "he'll be fine, i promise"
"what if he doesn't?? i didn't even give him a chance! AND I LOVE HIM!" Maya said between her sobs..
"smila 3laih Maya, he'll be fine, it's just a matter of time, u'll see" Lulwa said hopefully

They sat in the hospital for another hour..
Maya didn't want to go inside and see him in the state he was in, she couldn't bare it...
It was too much for her.
After a while, when the nurse gave them permission to see 5aled for only 5 minutes, not more, they agreed on Lulwa going and checking on him, because still it was too much for Maya to see the one she loved silently, laying down on the hospital bed, with the drip on his hand, and unconcious, and unaware of what's going on around him.
She was too terrified and scared to see him like that.
Lulwa's heart started pounding harder, she was nervous herself..
As she went it, she saw the tall, handsome 5aled they once knew, unconcious, filled with bruises, the drip on his hand, sleeping quietly, unaware of what's going on around him..
At that moment, Lulwa knew that if Maya was the one who saw him like that, she would fall into pieces..
Lulwa's eyes watered, but she forced herself to look strong, just for Maya's sake..
"alla yshaafeek wegaweek weraje3lak 9i7etik inshalla" Lulwa whispered.
The room was quiet and cold, nothing but the heart rate machine beeping (tootootoo).
'poor maya' Lulwa thought as she headed out the door
"how is he??" Maya asked full of concern
"he's ok maya sweetheart..come on lets go home..he'll be better tomorrow.." Lulwa predicted
Maya couldn't stop herself from crying some more, everytime she thought she couldn't cry anymore, that her eyes didn't have any more tears left, she cried again..and again..and again..
She cried the whole way until she reached home...
She didn't want this to happen.. she wished things were different..now she REALLY wanted him, she wanted him to be hers, forever..She didn't care what the consecquences were this time, she just wanted 5aled in her life..!! And now it was probably too late..
"Lulu can u plz sleep over" Maya pleaded, she didn't want to be alone that night, she was still in shock, and she was still scared and terrified
"sure love, i will, just gimmie pyjamas to borrow" Lulwa smiled softly at her sad friend
"sure" Maya forced a smile, but it only came out as a half smile with no sparks in her eyes..

Maya lay in her bed that night, and Lulwa in the folding bed. They stayed awake for hours just thinking, and then it occurred to Lulwa, 'what about Tahani? Does she know about 5aled's accident?'
Lulwa didn't want to put pressure on Maya, she had enough on her plate..
'She doesn't need to know.." Lulwa concluded, 'it's easier for Maya that way'

Maya woke up early that morning, she didn't want to sleep any longer, she just wanted to be at the hospital, by 5aled's side..
She felt a sick feeling in her stomach, like someone just puncehd her, at the thought of 5aled and how no one know's when he'll recover, or if he ever will..
'he will, he will..' Maya told herself, just to keep herself sane.

She got up, took a hot shower, scrubbed her body hard from the remainder of yesterday, dried her hair, got dressed and wrote a short note to Lulwa that she would be in the hospital.
She left to the car, without her handbag, no makeup, nothing, she didn't even have breakfast, she was too occupied thinking about 5aled and the accident..
She still felt like crying, but she did't want to cry because she had a feeling he would recover, and soon.

Today, she had hope, she had a glimpse of faith, she knew that she had to think positive at times like these, negative thinking didn't help at all, if so it only makes things worse.
On her way to visit 5aled, she bought a red rose from the small flower shop in the hospital, and then she headed straight to his recovery room..
"Bism allah alra7man ilra7eem" Maya whispered as she opened the door knob..
There he was, the guy who made her fall in love with him from the moment she laid eyes on him, the guy who made her heart beat fast and stop at the same time, the guy who made her knees tremble, the guy who made her feel something knew, the guy who made her feel love for the very first time. 5aled, her 5aled.
He was laying there, still unconcious, unaware that the one he loves was right beside him.
She wanted to cry....but she didn't, she forced herself to be strong, he needed someone strong by his side..
She put the red rose she bought in a glass, and filled it with water, and put it on the side table next to him.. she wanted him to feel her presence, even if he was uncouncious... but how??
Maya pulled a chair next to him on the bed, sat on it and held is cold hand, she kissed it softly, held his hand with both her hands, and smiled at him..
She smiled at him and he couldn't see her, he didn't even know she was there..
"5aled" Maya whispered with tears clouding her eyes..
"5aled..5aloody..ana Maya" she hoped against hope that he would hear her, but he didn't, he couldn't. Not in the state he was in, he was severely injured.
"et3arf laish ana hnee?" Maya stopped, waiting for an effect.....
But nothing.
"i'm here for u, i'm here cuz i wanna be next to u 5aled..i'm sorry i didn't give u a chance, i was wrong...i could've lost you in a split second, and i didn't know that.. i wana be yours, 5la9 i made my choice, i don't care about what people think, i don't care what Tahani will feel, i have feelings too, and i want u, only u.." Maya poured her heart out to him while, tears were falling against her soft pink cheecks..

She was there for two hours, talking to him, pouring her heart out to him, telling him what she always wanted to tell him. She told him how he made her feel, as she smiled at the thought of the way he looked at her at Tahani's party...
She missed him so badly, she missed his voice the most... she just wanted him to say just one word, to hear his voice again.. but that was impossible.
If only she knew, she would have recorded his comforting voice and listen to it when she needed him the most.
Her insides were shattered, she was too weak to even think. All she wanted was 5aled to wake up, she wanted him back, she didn't want to wait, she already waited a day and it felt like a year had passed, how was she going to cope with the lonely coming days, until he woke up...
If he woke up...